Friday, August 21, 2009

Someone Actually Wrote This About Me.

The person shall remain nameless, but I almost cried when I read it because most people can only hope to be seen like this through someone else's eyes...
I'm completely undeserving and as flattered as a human being can possibly be.

"At this moment, I feel the need to write this note about one of my favorite people ever. I know she's probably going to read this and think that I'm putting her on a pedestal, but how can I not? I'm attempting to write this without irony, but simply put: she is better than us. I mean, just look at her. Luckily, for those of us that notice, she is beautiful on the outside. She is a model/actress/goddess/bartender. And that seems pretty cool.

I'm going to try tosum her up in the three basic stages I've seen her in:

1. Cute Roxy: Fucking cute cute cute. Puppies, babies, retarded kids and all other things cute have nothing on this display. Jeepers!
One simple example: I skipped classes one day. The responses; Friend 1: slaps me, Friend 2: self-righteous as usual, Roxy: high fives all around.
Fuck Yes! When she feels like it, she can turn on that fountain of charm. She turns on the cute switch and us boys, for a few moments, are in her control. I don't want to meet the type of person who doesn't enjoy this. Cuteness all around. And I can't get enough.

2. The Lioness: "Miller Lite" (instead of 'Can I have a Miller Lite?'),
"Did you do that on purpose or did somebody play a prank on you?" (about her hair). "Something, something, something you fucking dike."
These idiots have no fucking idea of the power they are toying with. She does all in her power to keep from incinerating these dickbags from any of the ninja/samurai/some cool third thing moves she keeps hidden way up her sleeve. It's all Roxy. She knows it's not polite to completely fuck your shit up so she holds it back. Sometimes, it hurts her inside. The price of being a goddess.
Another example: After a particularly stupid night, I became a damaged person. Roxy was informed. She hugged me for what felt like hours. I felt like a person again.

3. The New God: That's a pretty huge title but i'll attempt an explanation. Photographers/producers/directors: they're all over that shit. And who could blame them? They want to capture the essence of what they think is a perfect person. If only they knew how right they were. Her curse is that she is also beautiful on the outside. I mean, fuck. Yep. There's no way around that. She is a female Adonis. Whatever that is. Perhaps Roxy's only flaw. But who could blame her? Would you fault Charles Bronson for being a fucking badass, or Winston Churchill for saving western civilization? Wait. Oh. You would. Really? Nevermind then."