Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Vamping Out.

What is the world coming to? People read one little 7th grade reading level vampire series and suddenly, they think they are scholars on Vampire Lore. Yes I'm talking about the pop culture phenomenon known as Twilight.

Let me start by saying, I have not read the Twilight saga. I prefer to keep it above a 7th grade reading level, thanks. I did however, read a lot about the novels and their plots and see the movie. (I just had to know what all the fuss was about.) And the fuss was about pretty much nothing if you ask me.

is basically a rip off of a thousand other better vampire stories. Only, Twilight has the fun little distinction of also being a veil for Mormon Abstinence Propaganda. The main character is a mousy little chick with no personality to speak of. She's simply a placeholder for girls to project their own personalities onto. This works especially well for young girls with little self-esteem. It's all a metaphor for girls who weren't pretty enough to get the hot guys in high school. The vampire is the jock. The girl is the smart, artsy chick that no one understands. I'm talking to you, Stephenie Meyer.

This rant is the result of a funny little argument I had recently with a couple friends. These friends claimed that Edward, the vampire star of Twilight would win in a fight with the Vampire Blade (who happens to have dedicated his entire life to being a super efficient Vampire hunter with all of their strengths and none of their weaknesses.) I know, I laughed too.

It got pretty heated, and my brain almost exploded. Since I was 12 years old I have done extensive research and studies on Vampire Lore. I endured relentless teasing in school because I wore a T-shirt with blood spray on it that said "Drink from me and live forever." Thank you, Lestat. I've spent years reading vampire fiction and if asked, will gladly name all of the ways that Twilight unoriginally rips off a dozen other vampire novels, short stories and films.

My point, and I do have one...is I don't mind if people enjoy Twilight. Have at it. Just don't expect me to enjoy it with you, or even have a shred of respect for it.

Recommended Reading:

Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles (all 12 of them...no cheating!)
Bram Stoker's Dracula
Stephen King's Salem's Lot
Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse Series
Whitley Streiber's The Hunger

Recommended Viewing:

Near Dark
The Lost Boys
Blade II (the best in the series)
Interview with the Vampire

More interesting reading: See what others think in this hilarious thread on Model Mayhem! http://www.modelmayhem.com/po.php?thread_id=487964&page=1#last

For being such good boys and girls and listening to me rant, here are some hawt photos of me in full Vamp mode.

*click photos for larger version*